The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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