Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
