Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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