So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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