Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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