At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
