i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
