my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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