I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
