I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
