My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
