i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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