so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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