We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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