She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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