I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i love accidental penises.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
