i think my tv is drunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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