i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize