we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
