She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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