Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
