Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
