he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
