Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
