She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
