So drunk its hurt
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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