if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
