she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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