What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
