i think i have two assholes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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