Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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