Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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