i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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