dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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