the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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