coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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