Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
