Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
