I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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