The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
