Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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