haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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