Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Two words: nipple clamps
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