Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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