Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
