You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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