booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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