remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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