I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
