3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
