So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
