1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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