i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
