Don't you send me to vm
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
