so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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