I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
