Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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