This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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