I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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